Battle for Everything

The small accounts of my life and my TRUE "Battle for Everything"

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Ups and Downs

Turns out that my stint of friends has mostly been true. I thought their anger/hatefulness wouldn't last, but I declare that it will.

I think I'm about to break down into my own selfish-denial-depression again. This time it might actually get good results, but who knows. I've come to realize that I NEED to be selfish in my life because I give too much. I'm always trying to please everyone else, and inside I'm not happy with who I am or what I'm doing. I may just have to break some ties that I have with things and worry about my future, rather than helping everyone else out. Hmm...where did my priorities go wrong? Two rights dont make a wrong...the only thing close is three rights make a left!

Dunno what I'm gonna do!
M.U.T.

Monday, January 24, 2005

The Love Connection

We'll apparently two of my friends are now an "item". I'm happy for them. I talked to Ryan about it and he couldn't stop saying how much he loved her. I've only seen him passionatly talk about something once. He was dying to talk to her. He seemed desparate to chat, however he just wanted to be around her. They both apparently liked eachother a lot, but wouldn't tell eachother about it.
It really gives you hope/happiness to see something work out between them.

Other than being a Monday, things are going alright. I'm pushing for a raise at Scrubway, however I dunno if its gonna work. I've only worked there for 6 MONTHS! Jeesh! I went to Goodwill today. I didn't find anything special, but like usual, it was fun!

Sledding is so fun!

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, my Rock and my Redeemer" Psalm 19:17

Sunday, January 23, 2005

1+2+2=05

YES I'm awesome! I knew Mrs. Baker would have her baby on 1/22/05! I guessed it in class and I was right! HA HA HA I'm great! Here's my logic for it ...1+2+2=05 (the date/year) AND THATS HOW IT WAS!

Today went very well! I had loads of fun, from having church to sledding. Our races down the road/hill were great! Too bad Amy wouldn't go. She and Perkins have been mad at eachother. I wish they would get over it. They are awesome friends and it ticks me off to see them unhappy with eachother. I call them the twins because they finish eachothers sentences. If I had a friend that close, I would hang onto them through the good and the bad. No matter how ticked they were at me. I'm sure they'll get over it, but I hate seeing them angered. It was ironic that Amy's dad and sister went sledding with us, but she didn't go.

Power to the Hot Chocolate!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Feelin' So good!

This week has had so many random/ sporadic things happen that I dunno what to do. I've done so many random things! Tonite was great! I give props to Finding Neverland! It was a great movie. I'm glad I went! I was more excited to be around people that I'm not normally around. It makes me feel better when things are down in my own "world" and I can do things with people! I actually felt that I could be myself unlike in Rossville. I hate being judged/ignored! I'm guessing that I need to learn to ignore being judged but oh well! From naming a beanie baby, to throwing a french fry at Molly it was all great! We went to McDonalds after the movie for over an hour. I did get home late but I didn't care too much. My other random thing was going to Olive Garden on Monday with a random group of people. From dancing with the "outgoing" waitress, to realizing that I didn't have any money, it was all fun.

"Friends are like the stars. There are bright ones and there are those that are dim."
There are a lot of dim ones from Rossville in my life.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Challenge eh?

I honestly have questioned myself this week. I've felt challenged, left out, ignored, bored, and tired. I have come to doubt almost all of my friendships and relationships with almost ALL people. I think I have moved my lines of personal defense and friendships over a bit, and have changed my desires into goals. I think this has been one of my most depressing/good weeks I've had in a while. I have found that my personal struggles are not going to be helped by outside forces, and that I must deal with them by myself and with God. I have come to realize that I'm not going to get to the places in life that I would like to be going to if I continue my yellow brick road to which I am walking. I'd say I've changed a lot of my perspectives atleast 45 degrees.

FRIENDSHIPS
A lot of people anger me. The feeling of being left out is the one thing that I react to the most. From that point, I start to question everything that I do and if it's me that they can't stand. I SOMETIMES HATE being me. I guess I'm my own downfall in a lot of things. TALK ABOUT TRADGEDY! Oh darn... who cares? I'm sure a few of you reading this do, bah depression...:(

I know I'm just rambling on, but I've had so many highs and lows this week, its making my head hurt.
(please be a delay tomorrow. My procrastination hasnt been the problem, my busy-ness is my own downfall.)

-out!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

July of 'O0

In July of 2000, my life was normal. I had just celebrated the 4th of July two days before then. My father went off to work as he did regularly during the summer days. At about noon my mother, brother, and I came home to find nine messages on our answering machine. Out of curiosity we played the messages and we heard the worst news someone could hear. Hospitals calling.neighbors calling, people trying to get a hold of us. We found out later after my mom panicly called the hospital that my dad was now in Indianapolisafter being flown by helicopter there. We weren't sure about the news, but something was bad.
After recieving the news, complete caos broke out in my house. Crying, screaming, panic. Blood rushed to my head and I had a bloody nose before I could think. That was the worst bleeding nose I have ever had. It lastedover an hour as we sped to our state capital.
Once we got there, we talked to nurses and doctors. Finally they let us see our wreck of a father. They said that he had a series of miniture strokes and a heart attack. We found this shocking for he was only fourty-six at the time. The mini stroke theory had changed to two small heart attacksand one heart attack. My dad progressed and was better in less than a week. He could walk around and do almost everything normal. Even though his right side was a bit weak. He was going to probably come home in a few days, but he had another day full of testing.
My mom decided to come home that day but only for a little while. Since she had been wiped out, she decided to try and take a nap. We soon got a phone call. Apparently during some of the testing he had another stroke. This one was major.
After then rushing again to Indianapolis we found out that it was a life or death situation. He needed brain surgery now. As we sait in the waiting roomfor over two hours thinking about our possible future could be with or without my dad, finally some doctors came in. The surgery had gone smooth and his vitals were okay.
The rest of that period that I can remember was going down almost every day to Indianapolis and seeing my dad slowly improve. We paid for two hotel rooms for over a month.
Finally my dad was moved to a rehabilitation hospital still in Indianapolisand was there for about three months. He came home later for a visit and then he finally came home for good. The doctors had now called his problem vasculitis,which is the inflamation of the blood vessels. Apparently, He produces too manywhite blood cells anyway.
He has slowly improved, and now is walking(with a walker), talking, eating, sleeping, etc. His speech could have improvements and so could his walking, but I would rather have him like he is than dead. He currently has therapy sessions and has become a Harry Potter fan through my own conversion.
Now just a few weeks ago they changed his diagnosis to something that could be caused by being exposed to radiation or is in my family bloodline. He has a chance of getting leukiema in the future, but I guess I will have to enjoy him the way he is for as long as I can.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Meet the Fockers

Question; Don't you think we've been hammered enough this winter? I can count that I have cleaned off my car over six times already! I don't mind it, however it gets annoying. I woke up this morning knowing that we got snow, but I didn't expect this much. I'd say we got about six inches. The ground was already covered about an hour after I left Eiks last night.

Gosh, you've gotta love Christmas break! We've been off for more than two weeks which is like crazily lucky for the Rossvillian population. I've seen Meet the Fockers twice. About every other joke was "Focker", or the little baby cussing. Christmas itself went alright. Mom's been having back problems, so naturally, she bought clothes and then wrote a Check. Most, if not all of that money is going to go to my car insurance which is crazily high.